Dear Dad,
Wow, a lot has changed since I blogged last! It's crazy what can happen over a few short months! The reality that I could be leaving soon is still not sinking in. I've been dreaming for so long about being a missionary in Colombia, that I almost can't picture what it will be like the day this dream becomes a reality. When I found out that I am over half way to my financial goal, I was terrified! Dad, I feel like I am numb. I feel like I should be jumping for joy trying to get the remaining 40% raised ASAP...but instead I just feel frozen. It's an emotion I can't explain. I feel like I want to do a cartwheel and dance because of how happy I am, but at the same exact time I want to curl up in my bed and not leave. I'm glad you understand exactly how I feel because I still don't know how to put it into words. I'm scared, God. Scared of being alone. Scared of being away from my friends and family. Scared that everything I am picturing Colombia to be will be drastically different when I get there. The truth is: I have no idea what I am getting myself into.
Thank you for cloaking me with your truth these last few days! I have needed to hear everything you have told me whether it be in your word, through church, or through other people. God, I LOVE that about you! You are so intentional to each and every need of your children. Almost like you're whispering, "It's okay, Megan. I know how you feel. I know your emotions. I know the lies that you are believing. I know what you need to hear. I know you're scared. I know you're happy, I know you're sad. I know you may be doubting a little bit right now. But guess what?! I LOVE YOU. I HEAR YOU. I AM EQUIPPING YOU. I AM SHAPING YOU. I AM MOLDING YOU INTO THE WOMAN I INTENDED YOU TO BE. I AM ALREADY IN COLOMBIA. I AM RIGHT BESIDE YOU. I LOVE YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS. MORE THAN YOU EVER COULD. I SEE YOUR DESIRES. I SEE YOUR DREAMS. ALL I CAN SAY IS TRUST ME. ALLOW ME TO SHOW YOU MY BEST."
Dad, I don't know how people do life without you! I would be such a pointless disaster without you! I would be so hopeless. So lost. But hey, that's the root of why I am going to Colombia! I don't want to see people living without you!! I don't want to just sit back and enjoy the gift of knowing you while others are still lost. Still searching. Still striving. Still trying to fill this empty hole inside of them. That hole in each and every one of us that can only be filled BY YOU!
God, I'm sorry for the times that I try to fill that hole with something else other than you. Lately I've been praying and thinking about my future husband a lot.What is he doing? What is he learning these days from being in your Word? Is he pursuing missions in some form to? Sometimes I just can't help but think how much easier it would be if I was starting this season in Colombia with him. I'm sure there's a reason why we aren't. Maybe you're calling him to stay in the states. Maybe you're calling him to a different country. My guess is you're still preparing us for each other. Preparing us so that you can receive ultimate glory through our relationship. God, I pray that he is continuing to fall in love with you more and more every day! Please help us be patient, because if he is feeling the same way as me, we can not wait to be together! Lord,help us to trust you; even when we don't understand. I am so excited for the future! Yeah, it may be unclear at times, but I know from past experience that you always have something greater than we could possibly imagine. Help us to keep our eyes and focus on you.
Help me to have faith like Rebekah. She didn't know where Abraham's servant was taking her and she didn't know her future husband, Isaac. She left all the comfort and security of her family/home because you told her to go. She didn't question it, she just said "Yes, I will go". I may not know the land, culture, language, or people but because you are telling me to go, I want to go. In the moments of doubt or worry, I am going to CLING TO YOUR TRUTH AND WORD. It never changes. Praise You for that!!! No matter what emotions I feel in a day or all at once, you stay the same!! There is always a reason for me to be joyful, because your grace, mercy, and goodness never changes! God you are ALWAYS good. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for being my CONSTANT! Thank you for the Gospel, because the Gospel changes everything!!!
I genuinely can't wait to see what you have in store!! Keep me focused. Continue to open my eyes to your Kingdom. Use whatever emotion I feel for your glory. In my weakness shine through. In my joy shine through. I pray that when people see me, they don't just see Megan, but rather they see you. Help me to be more like you. Thank you for this beautiful life, Dad. It is truly an honor and blessing to wake up and serve you every day. I love you so much!
Love your daughter,
Megan
