I would like to share something that I have spent a long time praying about, something that the Lord has been teaching me, and something that I feel like He wants me to share!
As I posted last time, this season of being home has been a different, but amazing one. I couldn't wait until my next adventure that will be happening later in the year, so I have been pursuing missions here in the US. A common question asked by friends or people I have been meeting has been,"So what do you do for work?" Or, "What do you do for a living now?". For a while it took me forever to explain, because to be honest, I still didn't really know what I was doing haha. But now, I have come to realize that that is okay. I am confident in my calling, confident that my first and foremost job is to be an ambassador for Christ, and I am confident in who God has created me to be. That's all I need; I have come to realize. Sure, I may not know all the details, but I don't want that to hold me back from the big things that I do know that God has called me into.
Along with God teaching me to not look to an earthly title, but to boldly walk in the calling that He has for my life, He has also been teaching me another HUGE thing.
God has been teaching me so much in this season of singleness! This post has taken me a long time to process/pray through, but I have come to about six beautiful things that God has been teaching me about singleness!
1. The expectation of a "Hollywood" love story.
It is amazing how quickly Hollywood can form a picture of what marriage and falling in love look like! It blew me away when I over heard a group of 3rd and 4th grade girls and boys talking about kissing, being married, and being in love the other day. At first I thought they were just playing around or pretending but as I was listening from a far, I couldn't help but think, "What in the world are these kids watching on TV?!"
It got me thinking, if kids are already being fed all these preconceived expectations of marriage and falling in love, how much more then has Hollywood shaped my perspective on falling in love over the years? Don't worry, I am not going to continue on a tangent about how bad Hollywood is, how they have it all wrong, and how we better have nothing to do with it. But I would challenge you to think about what your perception of marriage is.
Are you picturing that one day; the perfect person will come in, say all the right things, sweep you off your feet, and from the moment you meet him or her you will just know, "She or he is THE ONE."
Honestly, my heart goes out for the guys on this one! Hollywood has basically painted an impossible role to fill. According to the movies, you guys have to: Be sweet but manly. Say all the right things but really listen to everything we say(because in Hollywood the guy picks up on all your hints and can now orchestrate this all day perfect dream date). Be handsome and charming but don't be full of yourself. Step up and be confident(because in Hollywood the guy knows right away that this is the love of his life and has no problem going over the top to profess to everyone that he is interested in you). Buy us nice meaningful gifts but don't be too materialistic. The list could go on and on, but this Hollywood guy can basically read every woman's mind.
When I step back and think about the expectations I have put on guys in the past, one thing comes to mind. Do they expect some of those same things out of me? That is a lot of pressure to put on someone, because the reality is, we are all imperfect. We can try as hard as we can, but at the end of the day we all fall short each and every day. I am not perfect. So how can I put that expectation on someone else and be discouraged when they don't say or do the right thing?
Now, I'm not suggesting going around and saying things like, "All men are the same. They all are just jerks and will do nothing but break my heart." " I will never find my perfect dream guy, so I might as well give up and accept that I am going to be single forever." Ladies, I am here to tell you that there are great guys out there, and it's kind of insulting to lump every man in the "Cheating, no good, nothing but lies" category.
2. Fulfillment
Am I looking for someone to make me feel whole, fix all my problems, and make me feel happy? This has been a huge thing that God has been working on with me this past year! In all my past relationships I have most definitely let them dictate how much worth and value I have. Which as you know, we are all human, and our emotions change quite frequently. So sometimes I would feel like the most special woman in the world, and other days I would feel like I'm not beautiful enough or good enough to be with that person.
Praise God, that it has finally sunk into my brain that there is no one that will ever fulfill every need or desire I have except for Jesus! Even when the man that God intends me to marry does come along, this man will never be able to fulfill me the way Jesus does. Being married to someone does not automatically fix all your problems and from what I have heard from others; marriage by no means is an easy thing. Someone once shared with me, when you think about it, marriage is two people who sin every day and fitting them together as one. My first thought was, man, I have a hard enough time sorting through my own issues with God, and I don't even have another person in the mix with that yet. But that is one beautiful thing I have realized about marriage. At the end of the day these two people that love each other very much can always come together and meet each other at the core of their relationship, which is hopefully God. God designed marriage as a blessing. He designed two people to come together, use both of their gifts to better serve His kingdom, and ultimately bring God glory in and through their marriage.
Your husband or wife is not intended to fill a void in your heart, that place is intended for Jesus; whether you are single, in a dating relationship, or married. When you are married your most important mission or ministry is to continue to point your spouse to Jesus. Things such as: challenging them to be more like Jesus, enhancing the gifts that God has given them, and encouraging one another when days are tough are all things that we have the privilege of doing day to day in our marriage. Your job isn't to fix that person and strive to make them happy every hour of the day, but to point them to the one that can ultimately fulfill them in every way they need, and that's Jesus!
3. Contentment
This flows pretty well with fulfillment. Being content with the season that God has me in now and not always looking to the future. Do we really want to look back on our lives only to see that the whole time we were living in the future?
A few months ago I was catching up with a friend after my five month mission trip. Before I left, every time I saw her the same subject came up every time: "I just don't understand how I am this old already and I still don't have a guy in my life." "I hate being single. It is literally the worst." "Why does everyone else my age seem to be getting engaged and married? Why don't I deserve that happiness too?" I remember feeling like I wanted to bash my head on the table and just tell her, "I sure hope your next boyfriend isn't around here to hear you talking like this!"
But just wait, it gets better. After getting back from my mission trip her story or main subject to talk about had finally changed, except now I was hearing: "Oh my gosh, Megan. Being in a relationship is so stressful. Everything always has to be a compromise and I'm the one who is always giving in." "Things are going to be so much better though when we're married! Then there will be a solid commitment and we can make plans to have kids! Man, I am so excited to plan my wedding!"
*Insert picture of someone bashing their head on the table*
I literally had to bite my tongue so I didn't blurt out, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!"
Man, this is why God is God and I am not!! My patience with the human race would have died out decades ago. Probably sooner than that actually! I am absolutely speaking to myself here as well, but how often do our prayers turn into lists of complaining or wishing we had someone or something to make us even more happy? When was the last time I prayed thanking God for having me in the season that I am in and that I will joyfully wait for His perfect timing for the next season?
There's always going to be something bigger, better, or nicer when it comes to material things. The second you have purchased this thing that is supposedly going to make you happy or you have reached a new step in a relationship, our brains are already looking forward to the next thing or next upgrade to come.
4. Thankfulness
Chances are most of you reading this have gone through some sort of heart break, rejection, or hurt feelings with the opposite gender. It is so easy to become bitter towards your ex and think, "Well, why did I have to go through all that trouble just to find out that they aren't the one for me?" "Why did they have to cheat on me? What did I do to deserve that?" "How come this person that I am really interested in doesn't seem to feel the same way?" "Why can't I just find "THE ONE'' already, and skip over all this hurt and confusion?"
If you are under the impression that you are the only person that feels this way, that is a lie. You are not alone. I have come to realize though, that instead of questioning God and being angry with Him or that person that has hurt you, we can choose to be thankful. I know, I sound crazy don't I?
But I have realized it so much easier being grateful than to harbor bitterness in my heart. The last break up I had is great example of that. At the time, I was so upset and frustrated that things didn't work out. I couldn't understand why God had me go through years with this person, linking all these soul ties to this person(oofta, I could have a whole new post about soul ties), only to face years later praying that God would remove all of the ties made and restore my heart back to the way it was. But now looking back, I am praising God because He opened my eyes to what was really going on. I had made this guy such an idol in my life that I was willing to do just about anything to get this guy to want to marry me. I lost myself in trying to become the woman that he wanted instead of walking into the woman that God designed me to be. I literally can not praise God enough that He 100% was protecting my heart from future damage when things were falling apart! That's the thing about God, He wants nothing but the best for us! We doesn't want us to just get by or settle! He wants us to have THEE BEST and MOST FRUITFUL LIFE. I think often times we get in the way of that by thinking we know ourselves better than He does!
5. Prayerfully Pursuing My Husband
You or I may not know who our husband or wife is yet but that doesn't mean that during the time that God is preparing us for that person we can't pray for them!
I have been praying for my husband ever since I was little, but these past few years have been way more intentional. God knows who my husband is and knows what He needs! I would encourage you guys to just sit down with God and ask Him what your spouse needs prayer for(whether you are single or married). It is amazing to hear what God brings up and how He will lead you to pray specific things for him or her.
I can't promise that this will make singleness any easier for you. But I know for me it helps me to realize that being single is not always so negative. It can actually be exciting to see all the things that God is teaching you in preparation for your husband or wife!
6. Last but not least, Choosing To Be Happy NOW!
I feel like this is a good last thing to leave with you. We have the power to choose to be happy RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW! We can be in the mindset of, " I will be happy when...", or we can choose to be filled with God's joy now! I have come to realize the power of praying out loud and declaring truth over yourself. IT IS SO POWERFUL! I find that the days that I am grumpy or not happy with where I am in life, can be changed in an instant if I give it to the Lord! For example, declaring who you are in Christ, declaring who God is, and rebuking the lie that you are currently believing about yourself can turn your day around real quick! Don't let yourself, Satan, or anyone else rob you of the joy that you have each and every day through Jesus Christ!!
Below is a really encouraging Facebook post I came across that I thought I would end with!
To God All Praise and Glory,
Megan
